April 27th, 2011: Adrienne Cabal

What is your current occupation. What do you enjoy about it?

I currently work part time as an IRA/HSA Specialist at a credit union. I like the research aspect to it. I love digging, finding errors, and fixing them. It's pretty rewarding knowing that you're able to save some people hundreds or thousands of dollars by catching an error that could have affected their taxes dramatically. I also like having the balance to work a few days a week and also spend time with my kids a few days a week. It's the perfect mix.

Devotional:

A little over a week ago, I returned from the Radiant Women's Retreat. I'll be honest. It wasn't really a “retreat” in the sense that I was expecting. It was the hard work, soul searching, make you want to run and hide at times type of retreat, but in a good way. While there, God had a theme that he kept bringing to my mind. It surfaced early in the weekend with the first word that came to my mind when I was asked about my heart's desires—rest.

If you knew me like God knows me, you would understand what is truly at the root of that desire. From a very early age, I was my single mother's emotional support. I was affirmed for being “mature” and “responsible” beyond my years. I was needed and I equated that with love. So I worked very hard at maintaining that image, maintaining the peace in our home, maintaining everyone's perceptions of me at the expense of me. I graduated at 17, went to college, got married, bought a house, started a career, had babies. Now I look back and I'm this tired, married home owner and mom who's thinking there's got to be more than this, right? I am tired of maintaining my life instead of living life to the fullest. And truthfully, some days I feel tired of being needed.

God revealed to me that I will never be able to fill my family's cups if mine is empty. Instead of looking to Him to be refreshed, I've indulged in numbing my needs through vegging. When I have any downtime, I spend it watching a show online or scanning Facebook rather than spending that time with God. At a heart level, I realized that I didn't trust that spending time with God would refresh me.

The first night home, God took my breath away. I sat down to spend time with him, not knowing where to start. It sort of felt like a first date all over again, but I was determined to show Him that I trust Him to give my heart the rest that it needs. I pulled out a book I'd received after my son was born. The title is 101 Ways to Relax and Reduce Stress. Seemed appropriate. The first page read, “God is the friend of silence. See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—grow in silence? The more we receive in silent prayer, the more we can give in our active life.” The second page quoted this verse: Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” The Spirit just washed over me and I felt His presence so strongly.

Since I've come home, I can more clearly recognize God's voice calling me to come away with Him. Now it is a matter of trusting Him not to let me down, not to walk away feeling empty after being vulnerable. However, the battle has just begun. We were warned that when we came home we may begin to experience strong spiritual warfare. That was an understatement. I have been overcome by some emotions and struggles that I haven't faced in years. I have been unable to sleep some nights because of anxiety, fears, nightmares. The battle for my heart is in full force. In some ways it is encouraging because it means that God brought to life some barren areas of my heart. In other ways, it is scary and overwhelming.

Prayer Requests:

Please pray for me to continue to respond to God's pursuit of me and to practically trust Him by choosing to spend time with Him especially when all I want to do is tune the world out. Also, pray that God would direct me to verses that would help me to really attack those anxious and fearful thoughts.