How long have you been coming to H20?
9 years! My husband is the person who invited me. :)
What do you like to do for fun?
Video games, board games, travel, creative projects (gardening, cooking, video editing, fixing up the house, etc.)
What's an interesting fact about you?
I’m studying Japanese for fun and I just started getting into manga/anime.
A Wife Needs Love and a Husband Needs Respect
“However, each one of you also must love his wife, and the wife must respect her husband.”
–Ephesians 5:33
My husband is an amazing guy. He’s ridiculously smart, charming, genuine, motivated, responsible, humbly self-confident, gentle, fun-loving, wise, and patient. How’d I get this Prince Charming? I stopped controlling my life and waited for God to provide the man I really wanted and needed. So why did I hide my heart from him and start controlling when we got married?
After 6 years of marriage, I recognized patterns of overworking to avoid my husband’s affection, whether I was a student fixing up our first house to near exhaustion or a teacher working crazy hours. We’ve always been best friends and really loving, but sometimes there was tension when I wouldn’t let him get closer. A few months ago I started reflecting and realized that I had decided what my husband needed from me based on what I was willing to give, and hard work was easier for me than having an open heart. I was controlling our marriage instead of submitting. I couldn't respect him until I trusted him.
Many women know this verse well:
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
– I Peter 3: 1-4
I was glad to submit in many things, but I was still trying to protect myself. I didn’t trust him completely simply because he was a man, and I had been hurt deeply by other “men” (boys… grr!). He gave me no reason to distrust, yet I was avoiding the only guy who ever fully respected me. I needed to trust him where I was really afraid. For years, I honestly didn’t believe him when he said I was beautiful. I rather felt like an unfeminine, overweight tomboy. I didn’t feel like wearing lingerie, let alone a skirt, and I let this scripture be my excuse to not care about my appearance. Honestly, I was a mess. Thankfully God showed me a way out: improve my self-confidence and let go of my fear that I might be hurt again.
Since my last post I’ve lost another five pounds, and I’m still working hard. I’m wearing makeup more often and putting effort into spiffing up my wardrobe. I started these outer changes to promote inner change, and it’s starting to work. I actually feel more confident and have happily accepted my husband's increasing compliments. I’m having fun being loved.
More importantly, I’ve started thinking about his needs and changing to meet them. I still like doing home projects, but I don’t do them to the point of neglecting my husband. I’ve worked hard to be cleaned up, cute, cooking dinner, and ready for romance when my husband gets home each day, because it really pleases him and that makes me really happy. One thing that helped me to think like this was a secret project with some friends to bless our husbands ("The Husband Project" by Kathi Lipp). I’m really thankful I was invited to do it!
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only into your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
– Philippians 2:3-4
Though I think very highly of my prince, sometimes I don’t prove it with my words. I can sometimes respond sharply, which is poison to a man. Often he’s just reminding me to do something I forgot or put off, and I take it the wrong way. I want to respond with an open, gentle heart to show that I respect him and what’s important to him.
My marriage is the best it’s ever been, but please pray for me to continue getting strong and healthy, and cultivate a gentle spirit to show my husband that I trust him and respect him, and more than anything that I can be open to receive his love.
4 comments:
Becky! Thanks so much for sharing what God is doing in your life and in your marriage. So encouraged by the ways God is freeing you up to enjoy your husband more. I loved your statement: "I’m having fun being loved." Love your heart!
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share in the project with you. It's something I want to continue doing, until it becomes normal! I appreciated everything you said, and was encouraged by the verses you used.
Becky, Thank you for sharing this. It really touched me because although I'm not married yet, I still struggle with some of these things with my boyfriend, Rick. I really try to show him love and respect but catch myself being controlling. We are continually working on our relationship in order to have a successful marriage one day and it is encouraging to hear how you are also working on yours. Thanks again, Becky. Have a great week :)
I'm proud of you Becky for all the changes you are making...especially to embrace your feminine side! I'm glad you are feeling more confident and that your marriage is getting better because of your openness with Andrew. Keep it up girl! =)
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