What is your current occupation? What do you enjoy about it?
I currently am occupied as an interior designer. Most people think that means I only pick out curtains and paint colors and “decorate”; maybe that is 5% of what I do. I design. What I enjoy about my occupation is creative problem solving. I plan space, in three dimensions, I get to imagine what it’ll all look like and make it happen, for offices, doctors, hospitals, labs, hotels, restaurants, and even churches.
After 6 years of being a career woman I don’t remember why I’m even doing it. Also, I’m now married. Both of these are two very new things in my life. I’ve always known what I’m doing. I’ve never been married. Two things that have weighed down, and lifted up, on me because they both have affected my life so incredibly much. My husband Sam asked me about 3 months into marriage “Do you feel like a wife, or an interior designer”. To which I replied honestly, but rather despondently, “I feel like an interior designer”... and then I promptly broke into tears. Since then, I’ve been struggling with how I define myself.
After one of our life group meeting where we talked about God’s view of us being that of children, inheriting His kingdom, being loved by Him no matter what we do or who we become, I realized that I must not define myself as my job, or career, not only because it is not Biblical, but it only disappoints. I’ve been defining myself as my job, but however much I enjoy my job, my job lets me down all the time. I get paid peanuts for all I do. My job could be gone any day. Being married has helped me to see all of this, because for the first time I am faced with a different way to define myself; and I see that God has already defined me. I just hadn’t seen it.
God defines me as His daughter, His beautiful bride, I am the apple of His eye, and he is pleased with me. I can do nothing to change that. I know this, but practicing what I know is still difficult. It is difficult to redefine what has been defined since high school. I would say that it has added difficulty to this first year of marriage. My past mold of having to perform well at something in order to be approved, my definitions of my “job” being me, have all been hurdles Sam and I are working over... and over. And with much prayer. God knew I needed this kind of wake-up call now, and His timing was perfect, however difficult it’s been and however much it sucks to work through.
I now am reading a couple of books to help me see things in a bigger picture, with clarity and from different perspectives, all of them faith based. I am also still struggling with fully trusting God with who I am NOW.
Prayer requests: Pray that I will be bold in my next step on God’s path for me. Pray that I will be courageous enough to let go of certain thoughts and ways I’ve always known. Pray that Sam and I can remain close through these changes.
4 comments:
Thank you Sheena for reminding us all how God views us...as the apple of His eye. It is so tempting to resist feeling that way when we don't meet up to the world's (or even our own) standards. I will be praying for you to be defined by God in this transition of life.
I can relate to the feeling of being defined by your independence, or career. Also, the indignation of being defined as a wife, might as well call me the housekeeper, right? It was very hard growing up, believing you need to take care of yourself or no one else will. It was hard to let go of that pressure, even still it is. Taking care of your home and your husband and your children is way more important than your position in a company. Thank you for the reminder that it's about what God thinks, not anyone else. Love you!
:) You're amazing!!!! I'm so blessed to hear how transparent you are! You've been such an encouragement and an example to me, especially in this area. Thank you for being so incredible open and honest with all of us, it's truly a blessing.
Sheena, I have always been able to look up to you as a woman with confidence in herself, and a woman who is just a ray of light filled with intelligence waiting to shine that upon others. After reading your post, this is just an affirmation of what is still true in my eyes towards you. I love you and your struggles that are so honest. I believe that you are on the right path to clarity because God has already opened your heart by having Sam ask you that question, which must have been difficult for him to do so. You are so beautifully designed, and God is our "Interior Designer" and when He designed you, He knew that you would bring Him happiness and joy throughout your growth here on Earth.
I love you girl :)
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