Becky Lattof: March 27, 2011

If you possessed the courage, talent, and resources to do anything in the world, what would you do?

I’ve traveled to many places for fun, but the only place I never wanted to leave was Japan. If I had the resources, I would move there with my family as a missionary since so many Japanese don’t understand the message God has for them and don’t feel the need for Him, though they live in a society that is fractured beneath the surface.


After seven years of marriage with careful planning to finish school, gain work experience as a teacher, and save money, I finally get to have a baby in five weeks - assuming my little boy plans to arrive on time. Many moms are now snickering, thinking, ‘They never come on time!’ Though I had to wait patiently, I didn’t have to struggle with fertility issues or pregnancy complications (so far). It humbles me and breaks my heart that so many of my friends have. I’ve tried to balance joy with reality, that I should take it one day at a time and be thankful, but not expect my first pregnancy to be an easy road.

I've gone through a range of emotions in the past 8 months: disbelief (I took four at home tests!), worry (knowing life is fragile from gaining and losing a niece in '98), awe at every detail of my child’s development and each movement he makes in my womb (which are incredibly numerous as I type this), impatience over how long it takes to make a person (not to ‘get it out!’ but to be with him), and deepening love as time passes and I learn more about his budding personality. I've also been irritated with negative people who complain about gaining weight during pregnancy as if it's a bad thing, people who respond to my joy with reminders of the exploding diapers and other various aspects of motherhood I definitely won't like, or people who are afraid to touch my tummy because they think I'll become "Momzilla" and devour them for their proximity to my offspring... *sigh* I’m really not a crazy lady - promise!

It's such a mixed time. There is much to do to prepare spiritually, physically, and mentally, let alone the research, the stuff to get, and the stuff to get done around the house to get ready for him - all this with less energy than I ever had in my life! The "to do" list doesn't feel like it's getting smaller, but I really don't let that bother me much. I've recently finished watching a DVD set and attended a class on childbirth, and now my thoughts are aiming at this one important goal: to do my best to deliver this child into the world.

I thought I felt confident in my decision on medication, but now I am on the fence. I recall the faces of the women in intense pain from the videos and I begin to wonder, 'Can I really do this?' Then I say in response, 'You don't have a choice, there's no turning back!' And so I realize... I am afraid.

I'm not afraid of pain, getting my hands dirty, or working hard at something - to sweat, to bleed if need be. I'm not afraid of being alone, that my husband won't support me - on the contrary, God gave me an incredible support in him that I know won't falter when I need him most. So what is it? I stare at the blinking cursor and begin to ask God, 'Why am I afraid?'

I am afraid that my body will fail me. God has given me so much strength when I had nothing left on my own. He's given me peace with my identity, a lightened and more cheerful heart, and a firm understanding that I was made to love Him after 20 years of trying to understand a world without knowing Him. What about my body? Scripturally speaking, I know that it is weak and temporary. I can do special exercises, eat special diets, learn special breathing and relaxation techniques for laboring - but my body is out of my control ultimately. I fear my body failing to perform its most important task I'll ever ask of it, needing medication that could harm my child or even surgery that will scar my body which God created in His image, and may prevent me from natural childbirth with future children, which I want to experience.

God is entirely in control of my body as with everything else I’ve ever placed before Him. I need to put this in His hands and let it go. Some verses I’ll be meditating on and may bring to the hospital with me in my bag are included below. Often these verses have supported me mentally and spiritually, so I found it pretty awesome how God’s living word applied to me physically as well:

"So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time." Matthew 6:34

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

"God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out." 1 Corinthians 10:13

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

"But we...rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 3:5

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13


Prayer Requests:

Please pray for the Japanese people to seek and know the Lord and for the courage to rebuild and recover from the catastrophic earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear crisis.

Please pray for my body to be strong for my baby. I respond to intense or continuous pain by tensing and activating my TMJ issues (leading to tightness from the shoulders up, facial pain, eye strain, and serious headaches that can last for days in worst cases). I’ve learned to manage it better, but I don’t want this weakness to lead me to choose medication outright, yet I don’t want to force myself to push through with none and take away from this incredible experience with a really bad flare up. I want to be connected and appreciate it for all it is.