Twelve weeks ago the course of my life was drastically altered – Vince and I became pregnant (well, mostly me). Don’t get me wrong, after nearly 8 years of marriage, this was part of “the plan” and what we wanted. But reality doesn’t really sink in until it happens and you see a peanut-shaped blob with a heartbeat on a sonogram. While I’m very excited to meet this amorphous being growing in my stomach, I also have some ambivalence about leaving behind this relatively carefree and independent life that my husband and I have enjoyed so much over the last 8 years. What will become of our marriage? Will we become one of those loving couples, living in a passionless marriage, like is so often depicted in the sitcoms and movies? What will become of my career? I love practicing law, but let’s face it, putting in 12 hour days and traveling to out of state depositions isn’t going to be easy with an infant. Can I juggle it all? And even if I can, will I be judged by other women in the church? And then there is the most dreaded and anxiety-filled question of all…Can I be a good, present and loving mother? I have a poor to non-existent relationship with my own mother. My parents divorced when I was an infant and I was raised largely by my father. Since I’ve never experienced a healthy relationship with my own mother, a small part of me worries that I won’t know how to be the mother that God wants me to be. I don’t know the answer to these questions. However, I do know that God put a man in my life that I love and adore. I know that He gave me a talent and a passion for the law. And I know that I am created and continue to be shaped in the image of Christ, not my mother. Because of this, my twinges of anxiety don’t become an all consuming fear. I am optimistic, happy and know that Christ is in control.
Prayer Requests:
- Please pray that our baby is healthy and that my pregnancy goes smoothly. I suppose you could also pray for a painless delivery, but I guess Genesis says otherwise.
- Please pray that family drama doesn’t cast a pall over an otherwise joyous event.